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Thoughts on Peter Pan

I loved the cartoon, so I decided to read the book, too. I bought that thing with a special cover, only to find out that Peter Pan was almost like a little demon. He didn't even care when Tinker Bell finally kicked the bucket. Yeah, he did the clapping thing, but fairies don't live long. So later, he was like, whatever. Who's that?


The author said he's drawn to women who haven't been married or have had children. So here I am, single as crap, and thinking about some kid lurking in my room in the middle of the night. Ew. I mean, what if just his shadow showed up? I'm allergic to things like that.


The look of Peter Pan is also in childless women's eyes. I don't have kids. The next morning I'm staring in the mirror like a freak, wondering what in the world does that mean. Is Peter Pan looking out of my eyes? I started watching women who didn't have kids, searching for that look. Dude, I don't know. Where's that creepy little kid? Or is it …
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Dreams of Ilo

I said before that I had dreamed of the Grand Apwor Karijin. He's not the only one I dreamed of. In fact, I dream of my Iling characters every once in a while.
When sharing a room with the sister who does the drawings, I slept on the top bunk. One night, I sat up, feeling I had somewhere to go. I crept through the house and exited through the back door. I headed across the highway and into the forest behind my house. Once there, I found a worn road leading to the reservoir.
It was still dark, but no wolves, bears or drunks wandered around like they usually do. After a while, I smelled cooking smoke. Stepping through a stand of trees, I reached a cookout full of people. Zhin was kneeling over the fire and Vijeren was across from him. Sibare, Miranel, N'Nar, and Rilkin were talking to one another. Other people were there, too. Some were characters I knew and there were others I didn't, at least not yet. Their faces were blotted. They were having a grand time.

Zhin turned to…

Nightmare in the Making: The Grand Apwor Karijin

One night, before the tribe tore down the beautiful forest in front of my house and erected some sick looking houses with hideous yellow streetlights, I dreamed I was in the city four hours away. wanting desperately to get home, I went outside and found a kiderrin waiting for me.

A kiderrin is what Ilings use as steeds on Ilo. They're huge and fast. I climbed up on my kiderrin and it rushed home. It indeed feels like riding on a massive wave.

As I got further into mountains, everything grew misty and dark. When I finally turned into my street, there was a shadowy figure in a long cloak standing in front of my house. The thing's head reached the roof of the house. The air grew colder around this figure.
Jumping off the kiderrin, I raced to my front door, always keeping an eye on the eerie figure in the mist. It watched me, too. I sped into the house where there was light everywhere, and I slammed the door shut. I told everyone about the figure, but when we looked outside, it w…

A Fiery Soul: Zhin

Zhin was an overpowered superman who cussed like a sailor. When my brother asked why anything even happened to the group with him around, it got me thinking. I read somewhere that overpowered characters couldn't develop, grow, or be interesting. I powered him down about 80%. Since I didn't cuss, Zhin's dialogue looked like this, *$%#@! Of course I couldn't have that, so I had to get creative with his words and how he insulted people. His personality stayed the same, more or less.
Zhin used to be a doctor with all kinds of tricks up his sleeve. Now he's not, and he only knows enough medical things to get him by. Being a doctor just made no sense in the long run.
Zhin's race is Berivor, but his power is Iskerkin. That power didn't exist and neither did his entire background, which has a huge impact on Vijeren and Sibare. The Iskerkin power came to life in the bloodheart scene in the forest. His powers flowed right off my fingers and I stared at it in shock. …

A deadly little sunbeam: Rilkin

Rilkin started out as a...I don't know. He was just a character who showed up with a serious presence. I think he came in around page 600 in the notebook. I liked him so much that I put him in the beginning as a school teacher who hated kids. He only liked Vijeren because Vijeren didn't annoy him. Pretty soon, it was like, Rilkin's not a school teacher.
I thought maybe he's undercover...for what? I made up a situation that didn't work, but it transformed into the main conflict that it is today, and a law enforcer Rilkin remained. Even though I was all over the place, the idea of Rilkin's occupation was one of the first permanent pieces of "Pariahs."
I had several variations of Rilkin's personality, obviously the one where he hated kids, and now he loves them. He used to be a strict person with no humor. Now he's the exact opposite, and I like him better that way.
Lots of people on Ilo think he's baby cute. What do you think? Does he look …

The Two Faces of N'Nar

N'Nar is Vijeren's oldest brother, but he almost wasn't. He started out as a villain who turned good, but there wasn't a plausible reason for it, and I had no idea where he came from. There was something wrong and when he finally became Vijeren's brother, he fell into place.
N'Nar's physical appearance also changed drastically, because N'Nar's race is Sirilith. The Sirilith race used to have no legs at all. They were built like merpeople, but instead of a mermaid tail, it was a snake tail. They were bald, earless and had some serious snake eyes. The word Sirilith wasn't even Sirilith. I called them plain old Snakemen.
Snakemen existed for a really long time, and then one day I said, "I don't like this. It screws with my muse." Besides, when I saw N'Nar in my head, I saw him as he is today. So why the crap was I describing him like a snake that sprouted arms? So I revamped the entire race and gave them a new name, legs, hair, a…

From gentleman to wild man, Sibare

In the first of all first drafts of "Pariahs," Vijeren didn't have any brothers. Sibare existed as his perfect, gentle, patient cousin. Vijeren hated his guts. Sibare was also a lot duller-looking. So dull in fact, that I saw him as a blurry image.
After writing him for almost 1000 pages, by hand in about 5 notebooks, and then typing it all out on a computer, and going through SEVERAL drafts, I decided that I hated him too. So I did a full character redesign until he was reckless and bold, tough as nails, braver than a retsinist and possessed a wicked sense of humor. His features did a full 180 and for the first time, I was able to see his face.
Thank goodness the agents kept rejecting the manuscript, or you would have had a piece of Cubon to suffer through forEVER.

Drawing by Nicomelia Benally
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