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Showing posts from October, 2015

Child Care #8: Racism and Your Baby

When Baby is born, Baby is innocent, loving and trustful. Baby gets worried about other babies, Baby loves the way he or she looks, and also loves the way other babies look. Baby is very understanding when other people are sad and get their feelings hurt, but what Baby doesn't understand is why the neighbor right across the street won't hold, talk or even say hi to him or her. The neighbor will compliment everybody else, claim they love babies and give them presents, but not Baby. Ever walk down the street holding your kid and no one will even glance at your baby, but someone else holding a veritable troll will get exclamations of admiration? Is your baby the ugly one? I think not! Hand your kid over to that person and suddenly everyone will compliment your kid like crazy! If you pick up the troll, they will come to grips with reality and realize the thing really is a troll. So do these people even like babies? Of course not. They're just a bunch of racist butt kissers th

Child Care #7: Friends

Friends, such nice little things when you think about it. They keep you company, they talk to you, they might even confide in you and ask you for help. Your gentle, little baby girl or boy kindly helps them, makes them feel better, makes them laugh--and then the little spawns turn on the baby just like the devilish embryos they are! They spread rumors about your baby, they come over and cover your house and yard with their abominable germs and there's a funny smell in the house after they leave. They want to descend on you with more friends, friends that wantonly torture your baby the way mosquitoes do. What is a mosquito's purpose? Nothing, nothing but to torture man, that's what--and mosquito friends have the same purpose. It depends where you are, but little friends can be subtle about their wretchedness. They pass notes and make fun of their victims behind their backs, or to their faces. They give them the cold shoulder, or they go the direct way and just start hittin

Child Care #6: Brushing Teeth

Everybody knows that if you don't brush your teeth, your teeth will get gross, your breath will stink, you'll get gum disease and you'll be gumming your food at too young an age. But did you know your mouth naturally carries the bacteria of Meningitis? If you don't wash out your mouth all the time, then one day you bite the inside of your mouth, and you could catch Meningitis. And then you'll die, or at least spend the rest of your life toothless and limbless. You can spit out teeth and rotten liquid all at the same time. Smoking causes oral cancer, but if you don't brush your teeth, all that mess builds up inside and you'll get it anyway. Your body's immune system goes nuts and starts eating up tissues and plaque alike. Ever scrape off the gunk on a nasty's teeth and stick it under a telescope? It's alive, people! Alive and thriving. The more you leave your teeth unattended, the thicker that little colony gets in your mouth until it's as t

Child Care on the Reservation #5: Head Lice, a cheap and easy way to get rid of lice

The reservation has it's very own bugs. People come over, they get sick, and then they acclimate. Each part of the reservation also has it's own bugs. Even the head lice are stronger on the reservation than elsewhere. Those nasty things get into your hair and you can't get them out! Little brats pick them from the thriving communities on their heads and toss them into your hair to make bigger and nastier colonies. Ever spread open someone's hair and see nothing but live rice? Ew. Some kids' parents just won't pull the creatures out. They think a hairspray a day will keep the bugs away, but when the creatures are on the move, they are on the move. Tying back your hair real tight only causes baldness later in life. Hairspray ruins your hair, not to mention it makes you flammable, and not in a good way. All those expensive head lice medicines won't do anything against reservation lice, oh no. Ever wonder why some Native Americans would cover themselves in g