Child Care #7: Friends
Friends, such nice little things when you think about it. They keep you company, they talk to you, they might even confide in you and ask you for help. Your gentle, little baby girl or boy kindly helps them, makes them feel better, makes them laugh--and then the little spawns turn on the baby just like the devilish embryos they are! They spread rumors about your baby, they come over and cover your house and yard with their abominable germs and there's a funny smell in the house after they leave. They want to descend on you with more friends, friends that wantonly torture your baby the way mosquitoes do. What is a mosquito's purpose? Nothing, nothing but to torture man, that's what--and mosquito friends have the same purpose.
It depends where you are, but little friends can be subtle about their wretchedness. They pass notes and make fun of their victims behind their backs, or to their faces. They give them the cold shoulder, or they go the direct way and just start hitting, pointing and adding insult to injury. What is the devil children's problem?! In my interview for a Shadow of Autumn, I said children are innocent despite their behavior--but that doesn't change the fact that they are spawns! If only your kid had My Little Pony friends, but instead he or she has Zombieland friends.
Now what to do about these creatures that you can't just run over when you see them running around in the street like wild mutts. Too bad there's no animal control for brats. First of all, don't let your kid run in the streets with them. Some kids are stupider than others and will beg to go run out in the streets. You're not there to protect them so who knows what's happening--molestation? How about a trip to the hospital? The brats lure your baby to a pedophile's house, and then you're wanted for murder after you take revenge. So anyway, keep baby at home where you can watch evil friends play--that is if you actually let them in. Spawns love coming in. They stay at the door whining the word "W-W-W-WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y?" when you don't let them in. They don't go away, they keep coming back, they sneak into the bushes with their minions to discuss how best to get into the house and then a different minion shows up with the new tact.
Second of all, if you're looking to build your baby's character, this is one of the best ways to do it. Let them deal with their problems, let them grow, and when it strains the baby too much, throw the mosquitoes out! Let baby recuperate from the ordeal and then on to the next battle with little friends. Let baby figure out how best to deal with the mosquitoes in their own way. Along this blood sucking path to a better baby, make sure baby doesn't become a bloodsucker him or herself. It's like, after you eradicate the spawn, you turn around and realize you're still living with one. Horror stories.
It depends where you are, but little friends can be subtle about their wretchedness. They pass notes and make fun of their victims behind their backs, or to their faces. They give them the cold shoulder, or they go the direct way and just start hitting, pointing and adding insult to injury. What is the devil children's problem?! In my interview for a Shadow of Autumn, I said children are innocent despite their behavior--but that doesn't change the fact that they are spawns! If only your kid had My Little Pony friends, but instead he or she has Zombieland friends.
Now what to do about these creatures that you can't just run over when you see them running around in the street like wild mutts. Too bad there's no animal control for brats. First of all, don't let your kid run in the streets with them. Some kids are stupider than others and will beg to go run out in the streets. You're not there to protect them so who knows what's happening--molestation? How about a trip to the hospital? The brats lure your baby to a pedophile's house, and then you're wanted for murder after you take revenge. So anyway, keep baby at home where you can watch evil friends play--that is if you actually let them in. Spawns love coming in. They stay at the door whining the word "W-W-W-WHY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y?" when you don't let them in. They don't go away, they keep coming back, they sneak into the bushes with their minions to discuss how best to get into the house and then a different minion shows up with the new tact.
Second of all, if you're looking to build your baby's character, this is one of the best ways to do it. Let them deal with their problems, let them grow, and when it strains the baby too much, throw the mosquitoes out! Let baby recuperate from the ordeal and then on to the next battle with little friends. Let baby figure out how best to deal with the mosquitoes in their own way. Along this blood sucking path to a better baby, make sure baby doesn't become a bloodsucker him or herself. It's like, after you eradicate the spawn, you turn around and realize you're still living with one. Horror stories.
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