Online dating services in review: 500+ trying to rob my cradle

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Hi, everybody! I did something stupid again. 😊

Being that I'm single beyond belief, I joined several dating sites. I'd never done it before and figured, what do I have to lose? I still have nothing to lose. If you want to find yourself a beautiful weirdo who'll bump you into the next season of Forensic Files, you need a ridiculous amount of money just to send a stupid message. Most sites are so stupid you have to pay just to see who sent you a message. Of course, you can never send any yourself unless you upgrade to premium, which is being able to do everything you can already do for free on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere else. Since when has love costed money? I'll tell you where. In the red light district.


I got my very first flirt from this hunk. And I mean, Gale from Hunger Games kind of hunk. Wow! Dating sites are like magic! I'm really going to get a boyfriend! I will no longer be boyfriendedly challenged. I clicked so fast on his profile my fingers got whiplash. Three kids. He didn't even mention if he murdered his ex or not.

The other dating sites were lurking in the cyber alleyways, ready to twist my pockets dry of cash. But the joke was on them. I didn't have any. Ha-ha! I set up a profile anyway. Maybe one of those guys would be worth the thirty bucks a month.


I stated clearly I was 33. What did I get? Men old enough to be my grandfather. I wasn't about to become a step-grandma to people as old as me. I might get a crush on my own grandson. Now I'm getting e-mails claiming that I'm highly desirable and so I'm eligible for a discount. They said I'm making their site popular. They want to help me marry a new grandpa--I mean find true love!

There are men claiming to be 39, but they're clearly 500 years old. They say, request a picture from this dirty old man and get serious! Agh! Gross, gross, totally gross! And no, I'm not checking out this dude who only took a picture of his greasy forehead. I got asked out on a date for the first time in my life and he was as old as my dad.


How could I have come to such a pass? Don't answer that. I have enough theories.

Ugh, I didn't even get any readers out of it.

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