The Sparrow's Nest

Awww, look at it, so cute! So fluffy, so round--look at those little big eyes! It loves to climb and make clickety noises. It loves nuts and berries! The little wretch also loves these. Now when the package says to plant it in a pot INSIDE the house, you better plant it in the pot and keep its butt inside. Otherwise, it ends up looking like this! Oh look, one left who survived the squirrel apocalypse... ...sort of...

It's 1985! America has been invaded by a bunch of evil-looking dudes! People are dying left and right! And only one man can stop them: Chuck Norris! He's a one-man-army out kicking butt and saving the day!  Didn't know this movie existed? Well, now you do! And now, here is my in-depth, highly-educated, intelligent review of Invasion U.S.A. "Oh gosh, I hope nobody comes to the door."

At the beginning of summer, I planted a sunflower seed. It wasn't just any sunflower seed. It was a red and yellow sunflower seed. I waited all summer for it to grow. I learned of its ways, watched it reach six feet tall and bloom with a blossom as big as my face. Look how beautiful! And then the hail storm of the century hit... AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was so young! Beheaded for a crime he didn't commit! Poor George. Reduced to a tin cup.

Mushrooms: delightful pieces of squishable fungus to satisfy any aching shoe. If you want to become an expert mushroom smasher, you have to know the basics. Mushrooms like to come out in wet shady places, and sometimes they come out in the sun, and, of course, they like sprouting in cow crap and horse crap and any other crap that you can think of. WHY? You wanna smash the fat things, but at the expense of mashing your foot into a mega pile of BLEAH! Mushrooms on long stems like to come out of those. So here is what to do. Aim a long stick at the top of the mushroom, like your're playing golf, and swing! BAM, it shatters into a million pieces and you can scream your triumph. When you come upon a group of mushrooms, smash them as fast as you can. Juicy ones are kind of gross, so just step on them and DO NOT kick. When you come upon a perfect mushroom--one a Smurf likes to live in, circle the mushroom, savor its roundness, color and texture. Hold back for as long as you can--a...