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Child Care #3: Potty Training (headstart and/or preschool)

Preschool or Headstart begins. All the children are going to school for the first time. It's traumatic. The little kids barely reach the teacher's knee and they are going into an unknown environment without anyone to lean on. They must do things on their own, they must not cry when mommy and daddy leave them. So you go in for the very first time, struggling to hold back the tears. Is the teacher a witch? Who is going to bite? What's going to happen? Little do you know what horrors will befall you! And then the ugly kid in the corner starts to bawl, kick, scream and then roll on the ground in an unseemly fit. Everybody starts crying. Lunch is gross. Sitting in the stupid desk is unnatural. Everybody seems to understand the lesson but you. When are you going to get out of this? Why is everyone friends with everyone but you? You don't know how much more of this you can take. But at last, the teacher lines you all up and it's time to take a walk, a bathroom break,...

Child Care #2: Why babies stick things in their mouths.

You just fed the baby, baby is very full and just took a nap. Baby is happy and exploring its gigantic world. Suddenly, baby becomes very quiet. Has baby discovered something? Or is baby choking to death? Or maybe something absolutely horrific is happening. So you check on baby. Aw, there is baby, sitting behind the couch chewing on one of the many things lying around. You couldn't clean your house because you were dead tired. So, what is baby discovering today? It's sounds kind of crunchy. "What have you got there?" you ask baby, but then you realize the thing in baby's mouth is kind of big. Baby will choke! So you ram your fingers into baby's mouth and you pull out a great, big roach! Scream like you never screamed before! With all the yellow guts slimed on your fingers, the spindly legs still wiggling, the long antennae twitching in their death throes. Bits of tiny roach eggs slide from the busted guts. Your whole life flashes before your eyes! You rush...

Child Care #1: Keeping Your Rez Baby Clean

You're walking down the street, feeling good, and then you come across a creature with matted hair, stained clothes, booger infested face and smelling of some serious crap. There's some sort of red residue all over its hands and face that smells suspiciously of pure sugar. Pieces of crud from the ground its playing on is stuck to its body and its still licking its fingers with a mouth that hasn't seen water all day. What is this?! What sewer hole did this tiny monster crawl out of? Then you realize that it's a baby! And then you realize that it's YOUR baby. You've created a miniature Frankenstein. Don't you know that gross babies grow up into gross adults? It's called a rag, people! Wipe up that kid, change its diaper for crying out loud! Didn't you know dirty diapers create rash? And rashes create sores. And then the crap gets into the sores and somebody's butt is getting cut off. And now that you know you're supposed to take care of the...

How to deal with racism #6: Reverse Racism

After all is said and done, the world suddenly has no more racism, and then you wake up and realize that it's in reversal. That's why racists think there isn't racism. Fighting something so that you can become it is like the most pointless, supercilious thing you could ever do. Don't become what you hate or you're a grade A idiot! Sure you wish you could string the jerks out and make them all suffer as you did, but is that accomplishing anything? Okay, it makes you feel better for awhile but reverse racism is the harbinger of a vicious circle. You make them miserable, they then become the victims and it's as asinine as you being sued by a robber because he or she got hurt in your house. Where's the justice? It died somewhere back along the trail where you became a persecuting racist yourself. Your racism stems from hate instead of skewed thinking and where does that get anyone? You'll start hating everything then, your view of the world is skewed and y...

How to deal with racism #5: Stupidity

Some people are racist because they're just stupid. They go by stereo types and that's the end of their knowledge. They watched too many old black and white movies, they probably think cowboys dress in bright red and pink with hats tilted at rakish angles at all times. You're are docile and silent, why don't you wear feathers, beads or flowers in your hair? Maybe you're branded racist just because of the past. Seriously, because of your outside they might think you never saw television before, or you don't live in a house at all, that you didn't graduate from high school! They assume you can't make it to or through college. You're sitting at the bus stop late at night because your ride never showed, scared out of your wits that some weirdo is going to jump out and get you. Then comes along an idiot who treats you like the weirdo, but they're walking beside the weirdo. Do they deserve what they get? Maybe. If they're dumb, maybe not. Rid the w...

How to deal with racism #4: Refuge

Ever have a day when you just wanna kill? Take the mistakes of human nature and just bump 'em off? Well if you do that the whole planet would be dead and then somebody like Superman will have to come save the world from you or something. Isn't it just the way? The butt head down the street won't acknowledge your presence, the jerk across the way will say hi to everyone but you, the statistic waiting to happen glares at you when he or she finds you on the sidewalk in front of their "palace," and don't forget the piece of crap that treats you as if your IQ is .05 or the cowardly dumb bell that calls the cop on you for walking down the street in the evening. They're everywhere, like roaches. They won't die and if they do, ten more take their place and it's usually their spawn. You're out in the world, you're getting it from every side, you get in fights and no one takes your side. They say you're the one with the bad attitude. They say...

How to deal with racism #3: Charity

There are two kinds of charity in this world: the real kind and the fake kind. Well duh. Everyone mostly gets the fake kind, that's why charity has a bad name. Among the fake kind is the one that takes away your self improvement and work ethic. In the name of charity, you are being forced down so the racists can stay in charge. And then there's the one that turns you into a garbage can. Racists enjoy tossing their torn clothes, used shoes and broken toys into charity boxes for those they deem unfit to be humans. It's their way of showing how non-racist they are and still telling you what they think of you. And if you're running to those boxes just to get free stuff you are an unfit human. Think about it, used shoes? Ew. You could get athlete's foot. Torn clothes? If you're looking for rags to clean the toilet with. Broken toys? Better to have no toys than broken pieces of junk. There are people who won't give anything of theirs' away, so they love gi...