Writer's Life: Dealing With Annoying People
They say a writer's life is challenging and frustrating, but seriously, for a real writer, writing is an escape. For a writer, escaping to another world isn't limited to books written by other people. A writer can escape any time and go anywhere.
Rejection letters always suck, brains get hurt, and we go dark for weeks at a time and don't see people. That's okay, though. Most writers can't stand people for too long. In fact, it's the people AROUND us that makes life frustrating.
1.
Loser: "What do you do?"
Writer: "I write."
Loser: "Don't you have a real job?"
Writer: "I thought you were a real person. Never mind."
Seriously, what IS that supposed to mean?
2.
Loser: "You're a writer?"
Writer: "Yeah!"
Loser: "How much do you get paid?"
Writer: "I get paid in knuckle sandwiches. Do you want one, nosy?"
What kind of an impertinent question is that? Have they no manners?
3.
Loser: "What do you write?"
Writer: "Well, I write..."
Loser: "Oh, I don't like that genre."
Writer: "Punk."
If you're a horror writer, you do all you can to scare him/her. Heh-heh-heh...and then you watch the reaction and take note.
4.
Loser: "Have you gotten anything published?"
Writer: "Yes, lots! Do you want to read some?"
Loser: "Oh, I only read good things."
Writer: "What's that supposed to mean? You've never read any of my stuff." Hopefully you can get something sharp and scratch IDIOT on the back of his/her car.
5.
Loser: "So you're a published author. I guess that's great, but I don't read."
Writer: "That's okay. I have a story in a podcast. You can listen to it, and won't have to read at all."
Loser runs away and later does a back flip off a stage for absolutely no reason and almost kills himself. No wonder.
6.
Loser: "I hear you write fantasy."
Writer: "Some."
Loser: "Harry Potter?"
Writer: "That's already been written, dummy."
Why IS that first thing out of people's mouths?
7.
Loser: "You write horror?"
Writer: "Yeah."
Loser: "Like Twilight?"
Writer: "That's not horror, and I hate Twilight. I've been insulted!"
Blade still needs to chop off Edward's cheesy head.
8.
Loser in interrogating tone: "Have you been published yet?"
Writer: "Not yet."
Loser: An evil little smile.
Later...
Loser: "Have you been published yet?"
Writer: "Yes!"
Loser: The most disappointed frown you've ever seen, and then she slinks away into the slime pit she crawled out of. There she waits for you to turn her into a monster in one of your stories, and where she dies a terrible death.
They can all go back to the slime pit, because I think all losers come from there. Writers, dip your ladles in and pick a loser to destroy in a story. The pit will never run short of them, you know.
Rejection letters always suck, brains get hurt, and we go dark for weeks at a time and don't see people. That's okay, though. Most writers can't stand people for too long. In fact, it's the people AROUND us that makes life frustrating.
1.
Loser: "What do you do?"
Writer: "I write."
Loser: "Don't you have a real job?"
Writer: "I thought you were a real person. Never mind."
Seriously, what IS that supposed to mean?
2.
Loser: "You're a writer?"
Writer: "Yeah!"
Loser: "How much do you get paid?"
Writer: "I get paid in knuckle sandwiches. Do you want one, nosy?"
What kind of an impertinent question is that? Have they no manners?
3.
Loser: "What do you write?"
Writer: "Well, I write..."
Loser: "Oh, I don't like that genre."
Writer: "Punk."
If you're a horror writer, you do all you can to scare him/her. Heh-heh-heh...and then you watch the reaction and take note.
4.
Loser: "Have you gotten anything published?"
Writer: "Yes, lots! Do you want to read some?"
Loser: "Oh, I only read good things."
Writer: "What's that supposed to mean? You've never read any of my stuff." Hopefully you can get something sharp and scratch IDIOT on the back of his/her car.
5.
Loser: "So you're a published author. I guess that's great, but I don't read."
Writer: "That's okay. I have a story in a podcast. You can listen to it, and won't have to read at all."
Loser runs away and later does a back flip off a stage for absolutely no reason and almost kills himself. No wonder.
6.
Loser: "I hear you write fantasy."
Writer: "Some."
Loser: "Harry Potter?"
Writer: "That's already been written, dummy."
Why IS that first thing out of people's mouths?
7.
Loser: "You write horror?"
Writer: "Yeah."
Loser: "Like Twilight?"
Writer: "That's not horror, and I hate Twilight. I've been insulted!"
Blade still needs to chop off Edward's cheesy head.
8.
Loser in interrogating tone: "Have you been published yet?"
Writer: "Not yet."
Loser: An evil little smile.
Later...
Loser: "Have you been published yet?"
Writer: "Yes!"
Loser: The most disappointed frown you've ever seen, and then she slinks away into the slime pit she crawled out of. There she waits for you to turn her into a monster in one of your stories, and where she dies a terrible death.
They can all go back to the slime pit, because I think all losers come from there. Writers, dip your ladles in and pick a loser to destroy in a story. The pit will never run short of them, you know.
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