The Blair Witch Bush Forest

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We headed out to our destination 4,987,687,968,940 miles away.

I drove first and nearly died of a heart attack when passing those massive trucks. Why weren't they still on strike? Couldn't they have kept it up until AFTER my road trip? I tried to look into their windows to see if they had to wear masks or not, but then I almost crashed, so I stopped.

We headed into a weird-looking forest full of bushes. People hunt mule deer in their often, but it looked more like a place to hide a body. If you got lost in there, nobody would find you. You could walk in circles forever and never get out. The Blair Witch had nothing on that bush forest. Everything looked the same. All the bushes were twins.

On top of that, a sign was up telling me that I was leaving the city that I was trying to get to. What? Where did I miss the turn-off? There was no turn-off in the Blair Witch bush forest.

One day I got out of there and reached some town twenty miles from my destination. The GPS repeated ten times how to get through ten roundabouts that ended up going in a straight line. Why didn't it tell me how to get out of the Blair Witch forest? In some straightaway with no turns, it announced I had reached my destination. What? Where? Who? What Safeway? Ended up that I had to go further than what the GPS said.

We had to call the guy to ask where he was. He told us to go past the Safeway and up to a big blue building. A few minutes later I pulled up to a small gray building with a blue roof.

Things were all right after that, but then I had to drive through the Blair Witch bush forest on the way home. Wouldn't you know it, the cops were investigating an area by the road. I knew it. Body. The sign telling me that I was leaving the city when I was coming in now announced that I was entering a national forest. It was lying both times. It should have said Entering National Bush Convention.

I got out of there faster that time.

When I fell asleep on the road, it was time to switch drivers. So I got in the back, blinked, and I was home. You know, it's always faster getting home than getting somewhere else.


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