The Sparrow's Nest

Awww, look at it, so cute! So fluffy, so round--look at those little big eyes! It loves to climb and make clickety noises. It loves nuts and berries! The little wretch also loves these. Now when the package says to plant it in a pot INSIDE the house, you better plant it in the pot and keep its butt inside. Otherwise, it ends up looking like this! Oh look, one left who survived the squirrel apocalypse... ...sort of...

It's 1985! America has been invaded by a bunch of evil-looking dudes! People are dying left and right! And only one man can stop them: Chuck Norris! He's a one-man-army out kicking butt and saving the day!  Didn't know this movie existed? Well, now you do! And now, here is my in-depth, highly-educated, intelligent review of Invasion U.S.A. "Oh gosh, I hope nobody comes to the door."

At the beginning of summer, I planted a sunflower seed. It wasn't just any sunflower seed. It was a red and yellow sunflower seed. I waited all summer for it to grow. I learned of its ways, watched it reach six feet tall and bloom with a blossom as big as my face. Look how beautiful! And then the hail storm of the century hit... AAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was so young! Beheaded for a crime he didn't commit! Poor George. Reduced to a tin cup.

Mushrooms: delightful pieces of squishable fungus to satisfy any aching shoe. If you want to become an expert mushroom smasher, you have to know the basics. Mushrooms like to come out in wet shady places, and sometimes they come out in the sun, and, of course, they like sprouting in cow crap and horse crap and any other crap that you can think of. WHY? You wanna smash the fat things, but at the expense of mashing your foot into a mega pile of BLEAH! Mushrooms on long stems like to come out of those. So here is what to do. Aim a long stick at the top of the mushroom, like your're playing golf, and swing! BAM, it shatters into a million pieces and you can scream your triumph. When you come upon a group of mushrooms, smash them as fast as you can. Juicy ones are kind of gross, so just step on them and DO NOT kick. When you come upon a perfect mushroom--one a Smurf likes to live in, circle the mushroom, savor its roundness, color and texture. Hold back for as long as you can--a...

The other day, I had to take my sister to see her school counselor before school started. The counselors thought I was an incoming freshman, except one. She thought I was my sister's mother. Now if that were so, I would have given birth at eleven. What was going on in that woman's head? I have no clue. Maybe it was the color of my skin. Anyway, I didn't even correct her when she said she had been wanting to see me about some school stuff and a few problems my sister-daughter had. I was like, "Okay!" I sat down in the mommy chair and had a nice chat, and some problems worked out and a school schedule and a clear path to graduation for my sister. My other sister sat in back with a grin on her face and the sister that we were there for rolled with the punches, too. It was pretty awesome. A stink man came in and left a stench in the room. Next time he came in I covered my nose. A woman with an attitude of "woman power" walked in and interrupted the meeti...

After getting a mass of rejection letters in one week, it felt like the world was coming to an end. Three came in one day. I had to go cry. My writing buddies were all getting accepted left and right, I was truly happy for them--but what about me? What was wrong with my stories? Suddenly, it all came clear. NOTHING was wrong. I suddenly snapped. I grew furious. How dare the editors say my stories couldn't be published! How DARE they! I went mad, I went looking for magazines like never before. I cut out all the magazines that said they didn't accept simultaneous submissions--because that can be a one-way ticket to a long wait with a rejection letter at the end of it. By then, the deadlines for the other magazines have closed. The night of the day that I snapped, I received an acceptance letter. A few weeks later I got another one, and the next day, another one. There were rejection letters in between, but I had hope because I had sent the stories out to multiple magazines. O...

Located in Greer, Arizona, Sunrise Ski Resort is a beautiful spot full of mountains, forests, wide meadows and gorgeous sunsets. It's got the works, hot tub, game room, free Wi-Fi and is not far from the slopes. It also has a spookier face that no one mentions much. The Sunrise Resort isn't just for people who ski. If you're looking to scare yourself silly, Sunrise is also an extremely haunted spot full strange noises, flickering lights and guests running--yes, running-- in the middle of the night because their television sets turn on for no reason, their animals panic, they hear footsteps walking up and down the halls when no one is there. So if you're a ghost hunter, that's the place to be.If you want a spooky convention I highly recommend this place. If you truly want to know its creeptacular side, talk to the house keeping, the cooks, the people working in front. They are the ones who are there when the place is quiet, when it's dark, and when th...