How to be street smart when you're street dumb #8: Cars
There are days and times when you will be totally alone, like grocery shopping. And sometimes things happen and you're out at night. You have to cross the parking lot all by yourself. Well, have your keys handy so that you can get into your car right away. If you're standing there like a lost idiot searching for your keys beside your car, you might as well have bright neon letters written across your butt reading "EAT ME!!"
Cars can be very low to the ground, but there's a scarecrow on every corner who can fit under there. And if you're not looking they can totally slash out your ankles. What are you going to do then? Scream I guess. Who's coming to save you? I don't know.
Being parked next to a big kidnapping van with painted-over windows is a bad sign. You yourself DO NOT park next to them, but suppose they park next to you and they're on the driver's side where you have to go? Well, just do the most paranoid, ridiculous looking thing ever. Get in on the passenger's side and lock yourself in. Ha-ha, nobody's throwing your naked, mutilated body out of the car for some poor kid to find next week.
You can also ask an employee or security guard to walk you out to your car if it's night. An escort is always nice--unless they're the creepo. Some places just don't know how to hire people.
Speaking of cars, park next to gorgeous ones because thieves will compare your ride to the expensive one next to you. And if you were the thief, who's car would you rob? The sorry Ford or the Mustang? Why the Mustang of course! Obviously the Mustang has the money. If you do have a lovely ride, don't put your valuables out for all to see. Windows are made of glass and glass loves to break. Thieves will break into the Ford if your purse is sitting there like an egg in egg sucker territory.
Be nice on the road. Don't cut people off, it makes people feel like murder. Don't shout out your window like you own the highway. You don't even own the air you breathe! No road rage. There are madmen on the road. Do you really want to be chased by a lunatic? How about shot? Hopefully you'll die before the person gets to you. People love speeding all the time and then they crash. Those are lovely. You can have your scalp matched to your body after it gets sliced off. And if you're in a sweltering city like Phoenix, you can watch your guts bubble on the road while they cook in 110 degree heat. Seriously not edible. Closed casket! And if you're in the country there's no help for miles.
And so, keep your eyes open if you want to keep your limbs.
Cars can be very low to the ground, but there's a scarecrow on every corner who can fit under there. And if you're not looking they can totally slash out your ankles. What are you going to do then? Scream I guess. Who's coming to save you? I don't know.
Being parked next to a big kidnapping van with painted-over windows is a bad sign. You yourself DO NOT park next to them, but suppose they park next to you and they're on the driver's side where you have to go? Well, just do the most paranoid, ridiculous looking thing ever. Get in on the passenger's side and lock yourself in. Ha-ha, nobody's throwing your naked, mutilated body out of the car for some poor kid to find next week.
You can also ask an employee or security guard to walk you out to your car if it's night. An escort is always nice--unless they're the creepo. Some places just don't know how to hire people.
Speaking of cars, park next to gorgeous ones because thieves will compare your ride to the expensive one next to you. And if you were the thief, who's car would you rob? The sorry Ford or the Mustang? Why the Mustang of course! Obviously the Mustang has the money. If you do have a lovely ride, don't put your valuables out for all to see. Windows are made of glass and glass loves to break. Thieves will break into the Ford if your purse is sitting there like an egg in egg sucker territory.
Be nice on the road. Don't cut people off, it makes people feel like murder. Don't shout out your window like you own the highway. You don't even own the air you breathe! No road rage. There are madmen on the road. Do you really want to be chased by a lunatic? How about shot? Hopefully you'll die before the person gets to you. People love speeding all the time and then they crash. Those are lovely. You can have your scalp matched to your body after it gets sliced off. And if you're in a sweltering city like Phoenix, you can watch your guts bubble on the road while they cook in 110 degree heat. Seriously not edible. Closed casket! And if you're in the country there's no help for miles.
And so, keep your eyes open if you want to keep your limbs.
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