Lost in Scottsdale; Pee Man; and no Uncas

About two years ago, my mom caught cancer, but the doctors were able to cut it out and now she's all right. They still want her to go for routine check-ups to make sure it hasn't come back. These check-ups are several hours away. My brothers and me take turns in bringing her to these check-ups.

This time, one of my brothers who knows the place pretty well was supposed to take her. He was going to take my mom to a nice place to eat that he knew of. He was probably going to take her shopping and all that good stuff. But then his EVIL boss demanded he come in to work because suddenly everybody got sick and couldn't come in.

And so, that left me as the only one who could take her.

For the last two nights, I have been wide awake. So here I am at 6:30 AM running on 6 hours of sleep from the last two days. We started on down to the doctor's office. The GPS said where we were going and how long it would take.

So la, la, la, la. We reach Scottsdale and now we have to go inside it. The GPS says: You will reach Dr. So-and-so's office in 8 hours.

8 hours?!

We were driving down the right street and the GPS said to keep turning right onto the street we were already on. It wouldn't shut up. It kept screaming, TURN RIGHT! Turn right! Turn right!

And then it said to turn on this other street, which took us through a neighborhood with a river running through it.

"You will reach Dr. So-and-so's office in 8 hours." It was going to make us get there in 8 hours if it was the last thing it did.

We had to turn off the GPS and find our way without it. We ended up in a bunch of suites five minutes later. My mom called the office and the woman working there had no idea where we were. She just kept saying, "We're across the street from that."

There was no "across the street." There was an "across the parking lot." A U-turn here, a stop sign run there, blocking off traffic as we sat and figured out where was what, and finally finding a map and trying to figure out what was on it because it was freakin' upside down.

We got to the office late, but HA! Found it! And the doctor was running behind, so it worked out. I had to sit in the car, though. I waited in there until the phone ran out of power.

Now it was time to go back. Where was a place to eat? Could we go shopping? No, this smart cookie had no idea where she was. Going to a store meant risking getting totally lost. And since the GPS was MIA, heck no! Nevertheless, we ended up in an abandoned lot of empty buildings.

We got out somehow and started home. At least I didn't end up in a haunted bathroom like the last time.

The trip home was going pretty good. We stopped to stretch our legs at a look-out spanning mountains and canyons. It was very nice. Then some old people pulled up and the old man oggled at me like I was a nymph.

He and his wife got out and walked behind the little building where the look-out was. As my mom and I drove past to get back on the road, we spotted the old man who'd thought I was so beautiful peeing behind the building onto the cement.

Now let me ask you something. WHERE WAS MY UNCAS?!

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