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Showing posts from 2015

Behind the Scenes of "George!"

"George!" was supposed to be a horror story based in Fort Apache. Usually my fictions turn horror, but this time my horror turned fiction. The character George was supposed to be one of those people too smart for their own good. He was annoying, self centered, prideful and pompous. The Fort Apache Reservation is situated right next to rich whites who live in a country club. I have to mess with their prejudice and pomposity all the time. George had all their flaws. In the end, George was supposed to die and add to the ghost stories marinating the old boarding school. But as I wrote, I began to realize that my horror story really wasn't a horror story at all, but a vent. And vents are no good. So I really took a look at George without my anger. He was already stupid, but he had the potential to be very funny. I didn't want to hate him anymore so I got rid of his tight country club attitude and turned him into an idiot with preconceived notions, but who was willing t...

Behind the Scenes of "The Hairy Man"

When Gwendolyn Kiste asked me to participate in A Shadow of Autumn, I tried to think of a story that would take place in the fall or Halloween. Here is how my benign coming of age story morphed into a horrifying Bigfoot chase on the Fort Apache Reservation. The first thing I thought of was hunting. Fall to me means hunting, so I went in that direction. Now the question was, what will happen on the hunting trip? Will it be a coming of age story for the character of Jay? I didn't know but that was the first idea so I just started writing. Elk show up in the early morning and at dusk, so at first I chose morning, but that was much too benign a time. It's always more exciting when you're surrounded by wild dogs that are trying to eat the kill at night when there's nothing but a bonfire to keep them at bay. I wrote as far as that, but then I hit a wall. I went over it and I got bored. That was the first sign I needed a change, but what change? While I was busting my brai...

Fairy Tales: Rapunzel

The Grimm fairy tale that they took from Friedrich Schultz are practically identical save a few changes. So, what did the old Rapunzel teach? First of all, not to be a thief, whereas Disney's Tangled is all about thievery. They claim you need to embrace the bandit within you  and you need rebellion to reach your potential. But in Tangled, Flynn and Gothel are both thieves, so what potential did Gothel reach? She splatted on the ground outside the tower. It was when Flynn became honest that he reached his potential. In the old tale, the stealing of the Rapunzel plant  had repercussions on the child that made her suffer for the rest of her life. The evil sorceress could very well be a symbol of the punishment of thievery, bad parenting and bad examples. Rapunzel is named after the plant that ruined her life, just as children are influenced by the bad examples of their parents. Her father and mother were bound by their thievery, made helpless by their greed and fear, and so los...

Fairy Tales: Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty, such a beautiful tale of love, dragons and magic. So happy, so gorgeous--so watered down. From rape, cannibalism and suicide, we now have Maleficent with no real threat factor and the worst CGI since Legolas defying gravity in The Battle of Five Armies. Disney had Aurora falling asleep for a night and would be awakened by true love's first kiss. A nice, little teeny bopper story of boy meets girl, yes? Well go back further and this boy is raping a comatose woman over a hundred years old. The poor thing gets two kids out of it and one of the kids sucks the flaxen splinter from her finger and she wakes up. In Grimm's version, the whole castle wakes up with her, but in the original from Basil of Naples, after she falls asleep, her dad locks her into a castle and leaves. That means everybody's dead when she wakes up a hundred years later. So now she's raped, alone and has become mistress to a nasty king with no sense of fidelity whatsoever to his wife. ...

Child Care #8: Racism and Your Baby

When Baby is born, Baby is innocent, loving and trustful. Baby gets worried about other babies, Baby loves the way he or she looks, and also loves the way other babies look. Baby is very understanding when other people are sad and get their feelings hurt, but what Baby doesn't understand is why the neighbor right across the street won't hold, talk or even say hi to him or her. The neighbor will compliment everybody else, claim they love babies and give them presents, but not Baby. Ever walk down the street holding your kid and no one will even glance at your baby, but someone else holding a veritable troll will get exclamations of admiration? Is your baby the ugly one? I think not! Hand your kid over to that person and suddenly everyone will compliment your kid like crazy! If you pick up the troll, they will come to grips with reality and realize the thing really is a troll. So do these people even like babies? Of course not. They're just a bunch of racist butt kissers th...

Child Care #7: Friends

Friends, such nice little things when you think about it. They keep you company, they talk to you, they might even confide in you and ask you for help. Your gentle, little baby girl or boy kindly helps them, makes them feel better, makes them laugh--and then the little spawns turn on the baby just like the devilish embryos they are! They spread rumors about your baby, they come over and cover your house and yard with their abominable germs and there's a funny smell in the house after they leave. They want to descend on you with more friends, friends that wantonly torture your baby the way mosquitoes do. What is a mosquito's purpose? Nothing, nothing but to torture man, that's what--and mosquito friends have the same purpose. It depends where you are, but little friends can be subtle about their wretchedness. They pass notes and make fun of their victims behind their backs, or to their faces. They give them the cold shoulder, or they go the direct way and just start hittin...

Child Care #6: Brushing Teeth

Everybody knows that if you don't brush your teeth, your teeth will get gross, your breath will stink, you'll get gum disease and you'll be gumming your food at too young an age. But did you know your mouth naturally carries the bacteria of Meningitis? If you don't wash out your mouth all the time, then one day you bite the inside of your mouth, and you could catch Meningitis. And then you'll die, or at least spend the rest of your life toothless and limbless. You can spit out teeth and rotten liquid all at the same time. Smoking causes oral cancer, but if you don't brush your teeth, all that mess builds up inside and you'll get it anyway. Your body's immune system goes nuts and starts eating up tissues and plaque alike. Ever scrape off the gunk on a nasty's teeth and stick it under a telescope? It's alive, people! Alive and thriving. The more you leave your teeth unattended, the thicker that little colony gets in your mouth until it's as t...

Child Care on the Reservation #5: Head Lice, a cheap and easy way to get rid of lice

The reservation has it's very own bugs. People come over, they get sick, and then they acclimate. Each part of the reservation also has it's own bugs. Even the head lice are stronger on the reservation than elsewhere. Those nasty things get into your hair and you can't get them out! Little brats pick them from the thriving communities on their heads and toss them into your hair to make bigger and nastier colonies. Ever spread open someone's hair and see nothing but live rice? Ew. Some kids' parents just won't pull the creatures out. They think a hairspray a day will keep the bugs away, but when the creatures are on the move, they are on the move. Tying back your hair real tight only causes baldness later in life. Hairspray ruins your hair, not to mention it makes you flammable, and not in a good way. All those expensive head lice medicines won't do anything against reservation lice, oh no. Ever wonder why some Native Americans would cover themselves in g...

Child Care #3: Potty Training (headstart and/or preschool)

Preschool or Headstart begins. All the children are going to school for the first time. It's traumatic. The little kids barely reach the teacher's knee and they are going into an unknown environment without anyone to lean on. They must do things on their own, they must not cry when mommy and daddy leave them. So you go in for the very first time, struggling to hold back the tears. Is the teacher a witch? Who is going to bite? What's going to happen? Little do you know what horrors will befall you! And then the ugly kid in the corner starts to bawl, kick, scream and then roll on the ground in an unseemly fit. Everybody starts crying. Lunch is gross. Sitting in the stupid desk is unnatural. Everybody seems to understand the lesson but you. When are you going to get out of this? Why is everyone friends with everyone but you? You don't know how much more of this you can take. But at last, the teacher lines you all up and it's time to take a walk, a bathroom break,...

Child Care #2: Why babies stick things in their mouths.

You just fed the baby, baby is very full and just took a nap. Baby is happy and exploring its gigantic world. Suddenly, baby becomes very quiet. Has baby discovered something? Or is baby choking to death? Or maybe something absolutely horrific is happening. So you check on baby. Aw, there is baby, sitting behind the couch chewing on one of the many things lying around. You couldn't clean your house because you were dead tired. So, what is baby discovering today? It's sounds kind of crunchy. "What have you got there?" you ask baby, but then you realize the thing in baby's mouth is kind of big. Baby will choke! So you ram your fingers into baby's mouth and you pull out a great, big roach! Scream like you never screamed before! With all the yellow guts slimed on your fingers, the spindly legs still wiggling, the long antennae twitching in their death throes. Bits of tiny roach eggs slide from the busted guts. Your whole life flashes before your eyes! You rush...

Child Care #1: Keeping Your Rez Baby Clean

You're walking down the street, feeling good, and then you come across a creature with matted hair, stained clothes, booger infested face and smelling of some serious crap. There's some sort of red residue all over its hands and face that smells suspiciously of pure sugar. Pieces of crud from the ground its playing on is stuck to its body and its still licking its fingers with a mouth that hasn't seen water all day. What is this?! What sewer hole did this tiny monster crawl out of? Then you realize that it's a baby! And then you realize that it's YOUR baby. You've created a miniature Frankenstein. Don't you know that gross babies grow up into gross adults? It's called a rag, people! Wipe up that kid, change its diaper for crying out loud! Didn't you know dirty diapers create rash? And rashes create sores. And then the crap gets into the sores and somebody's butt is getting cut off. And now that you know you're supposed to take care of the...

How to deal with racism #6: Reverse Racism

After all is said and done, the world suddenly has no more racism, and then you wake up and realize that it's in reversal. That's why racists think there isn't racism. Fighting something so that you can become it is like the most pointless, supercilious thing you could ever do. Don't become what you hate or you're a grade A idiot! Sure you wish you could string the jerks out and make them all suffer as you did, but is that accomplishing anything? Okay, it makes you feel better for awhile but reverse racism is the harbinger of a vicious circle. You make them miserable, they then become the victims and it's as asinine as you being sued by a robber because he or she got hurt in your house. Where's the justice? It died somewhere back along the trail where you became a persecuting racist yourself. Your racism stems from hate instead of skewed thinking and where does that get anyone? You'll start hating everything then, your view of the world is skewed and y...

How to deal with racism #5: Stupidity

Some people are racist because they're just stupid. They go by stereo types and that's the end of their knowledge. They watched too many old black and white movies, they probably think cowboys dress in bright red and pink with hats tilted at rakish angles at all times. You're are docile and silent, why don't you wear feathers, beads or flowers in your hair? Maybe you're branded racist just because of the past. Seriously, because of your outside they might think you never saw television before, or you don't live in a house at all, that you didn't graduate from high school! They assume you can't make it to or through college. You're sitting at the bus stop late at night because your ride never showed, scared out of your wits that some weirdo is going to jump out and get you. Then comes along an idiot who treats you like the weirdo, but they're walking beside the weirdo. Do they deserve what they get? Maybe. If they're dumb, maybe not. Rid the w...

How to deal with racism #4: Refuge

Ever have a day when you just wanna kill? Take the mistakes of human nature and just bump 'em off? Well if you do that the whole planet would be dead and then somebody like Superman will have to come save the world from you or something. Isn't it just the way? The butt head down the street won't acknowledge your presence, the jerk across the way will say hi to everyone but you, the statistic waiting to happen glares at you when he or she finds you on the sidewalk in front of their "palace," and don't forget the piece of crap that treats you as if your IQ is .05 or the cowardly dumb bell that calls the cop on you for walking down the street in the evening. They're everywhere, like roaches. They won't die and if they do, ten more take their place and it's usually their spawn. You're out in the world, you're getting it from every side, you get in fights and no one takes your side. They say you're the one with the bad attitude. They say...

How to deal with racism #3: Charity

There are two kinds of charity in this world: the real kind and the fake kind. Well duh. Everyone mostly gets the fake kind, that's why charity has a bad name. Among the fake kind is the one that takes away your self improvement and work ethic. In the name of charity, you are being forced down so the racists can stay in charge. And then there's the one that turns you into a garbage can. Racists enjoy tossing their torn clothes, used shoes and broken toys into charity boxes for those they deem unfit to be humans. It's their way of showing how non-racist they are and still telling you what they think of you. And if you're running to those boxes just to get free stuff you are an unfit human. Think about it, used shoes? Ew. You could get athlete's foot. Torn clothes? If you're looking for rags to clean the toilet with. Broken toys? Better to have no toys than broken pieces of junk. There are people who won't give anything of theirs' away, so they love gi...

How to deal with racism #2: The Thick Skin pt 2

One of the blaring signs that you don't have a thick skin is violent reaction. It means your armor has been penetrated and you are wounded. The evil traffic cop let's everyone through but you and then you're sitting there in your car overheating. So you jump out, deliver the broken nose that he or she deserves and BAM! You're in jail. Does anyone in that ridiculous traffic jam defend you? No, because people suck and all they saw was your fist in a stupid face. The poor, innocent traffic cop starts crying and tells everyone they don't understand what happened. They love everyone equally. Why are people so racist? Now suddenly you're the bad guy and all in that implies. Racists twist the truth as easily as a snake twists itself. Here you are now in jail where they already think you belong, with less rights than you had in the first place. You yell racism, because it's the plain truth. It's quite a scandalous thing to be racist in this racist age. So, to ...

How to deal with racism #1: The Thick Skin pt. 1

Recently, in response to a hate crime, a seriously stupid newscaster actually said that "we all thought racism was gone, but has it just been hiding?" Give me a break! If the sun didn't shine in his eyes every day he wouldn't believe the sun existed. It's become quite refined, smooth and permeates everything just as air enters your lungs. Like a lunatic who insists that they are not crazy even when they're locked in a rubber room, these people will insist that they are not racist. Just because the rubber room isn't hurting them they don't believe anyone else is getting hurt. Can these non racists explain why they change their voice to accommodate a two year old when speaking to us? Why do they automatically assume we're lying if we say something? Why do they believe their own color after that person repeats what you just said? Why is it that if you are not able to do something, the self proclaimed non racist believes you are making excuses, but m...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #9: At Home

It's been a great day, you're at home now, you just ate a wonderful dinner and the movie at the theater was actually un-butchered. And then you hear the water go on outside. Why did the hose go on when you're the only one in the house? Well, what to do? Will you go outside to turn it off? NO!! Somebody who doesn't belong to your house turned on the hose. Maybe it's the brat next door, maybe it's your dumb friend trying to scare you--or maybe it's a murderer that's decided he wants to mark you on his arm like Victor Zaas! It's a common technique for killers. So where is your yapping dog? It's not yapping because the one who turned the hose on is your dog's friend. Either that or the killer fed antifreeze to your dog. Either way, you're screwed. Now suppose the hose doesn't turn on? Suppose you hear a poor, defenseless baby crying on your doorstep or just outside your window. You rush to help the poor thing and you find a tape recorde...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #8: Cars

There are days and times when you will be totally alone, like grocery shopping. And sometimes things happen and you're out at night. You have to cross the parking lot all by yourself. Well, have your keys handy so that you can get into your car right away. If you're standing there like a lost idiot searching for your keys beside your car, you might as well have bright neon letters written across your butt reading "EAT ME!!" Cars can be very low to the ground, but there's a scarecrow on every corner who can fit under there. And if you're not looking they can totally slash out your ankles. What are you going to do then? Scream I guess. Who's coming to save you? I don't know. Being parked next to a big kidnapping van with painted-over windows is a bad sign. You yourself DO NOT park next to them, but suppose they park next to you and they're on the driver's side where you have to go? Well, just do the most paranoid, ridiculous looking thing eve...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #7: Broad Daylight

Ever walk down the street and see a tiny kid about two or three just trailing behind its parents? Yup, right there, the mark of stupidity. Children are seriously fair game for all kinds of sickos. Who is to stop a weirdo from picking up the baby and selling it into prostitution in some foreign country? There are rooms full of little girls where nasty men come in and pick the one they want for the night, the week, the month, and I can go on. Don't forget the black market. People go in, write up a list of what nationalities they want the child to have and if your baby fits the bill it is a target. Don't worry, there are other babies that fit the bill, too. The kidnapper will pick the stupidest parent or guardian to steal from. So, hold your baby's hand, don't leave it alone in the cart, the car, or wherever. Teach the baby stranger danger or you too can have your baby taken out of a pool party by the hand and murdered. And if none of that happens, there's always the j...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #6: Personal Effects

Every second of every day, there's a thief in the making. How the little wretches love snatching purses, phones, wallets and all that good stuff. These days, every important thing is on your smart phone. Well it's a dumb phone if you let it get stolen, or if you lose it. How smart is it to have everything in one place? Wouldn't that be like having the same password for everything? Of course it is! And if you didn't know it, now you do. Walking down the street flashing your phone for every thief to see is nothing short of idiotic. Suppose you drop it and it clatters all over? Broken phone. Now why would you carry your wallet and phone out for everyone to see? Do you have a Kung Fu grip or something? Now on to the wallet. Seriously, are you going to flash all your money? Flashing money equals mugging. Mugging equals your butt kicked and that could equal hospital. People get shot for stupid things all the time, like their smelly shoes. Either way you're humiliated,...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #5: Stranger Danger, Aquaintance Danger

Stranger Danger, it gets taught in schools and hopefully by parents, and yet why can an ugly man walk into a pool party, take out a little girl by the hand and the next time anyone sees her she's a mutilated body? Somebody didn't teach the kid how to find her butt with two hands. They live in a bubble, they think everybody is kind. Do they not realize that there are truckloads of unkind people out there?! No. Of course not. Or this would not have happened. That's why it's a bad idea to go hitch hiking. Maybe fifty years ago it was safer, but it wasn't all the way safe. The older generation likes to brag about it, but they're the ones who taught stranger danger. Obviously things happened. Next time you go hitch hiking, just remember that the next car could be a maniac ready to eat your face off. As for picking up hitch hikers, women should not do it when alone. In the world of the crook, there's no such thing as "equal rights for women." There is ...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #4: Pets

Almost everybody loves animals. Some even go so far as to think they are people. They give them all the best things in life, they love them even more than their own kids, and it's getting to the point where killing a person is better than killing an animal. All this delusion happens only in the people world. The animals know what they are and where they stand. For example: bears love meat. Dogs are pack animals. Cats are cunning. On that note, suppose you go to the country. You take your little rat dog with you, a rat dog you think protects you with all the might it has in its little, annoying body. How utterly cute! If you're being attacked by another rat anyway. Well, the little rat starts whining to go to the bathroom. So you take it out. It's night, there are trashcans right up against the forest. The little rat dog won't bother anyone there. The country is so nice, nothing ever happens. So you go out to the trashcans with your little rat who starts yipping up...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #3: dark places

There are a million dark, empty places in the world and a million predators to fill them. Now most people know not to walk through dark alleys and across parks at night, alone or otherwise. And yet people are always getting killed in them. Before you think of taking the short cut to the dance, the basketball game, or the McDonald's, you need only think of one word: RAPE!!! Do you really want to be the next naked body found that was strangled with your own pantyhose? I think not. Perhaps you'd like to be found in a box under some nut case's bed? The safest places in the world are the best hunting grounds for predators because everyone is so at ease. Which deer is the easiest to shoot? The one who walks right up to you looking for a snack, or the one that stays hidden and watchful? Stay in big groups if you're bound and determined to walk through a dark, empty area. Be aware of the part of town you are in. There are places in the cities where you just don't go at ...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb # 2: Parties

Parties, most everyone loves parties, unless of course you're a spider, or not a social butterfly. People are always drunk at these wonderful get-togethers. The most dignified man can walk into a restaurant and become a slobbering idiot before he even comes out. Take Prom Night for example. Everybody's at the punch table, crowding around for drinks--hopefully because they're thirsty from dancing--but there's a rat born every minute. They spike the punch bowl, they lick all the cookies, dig their noses and then touch everything. Pretty soon nobody feels good and they start getting tipsy. Don't go near the punch bowl people! Especially if you don't want to wake up pregnant with all the fathers of your child around you. Or worse even, your body not only violated but covered in graffiti and it's several days later. You too may claim you were kidnapped by aliens so no one knows your shame. Drink from the water fountain and don't put your mouth over it like ...

How to be street smart when you're street dumb #1

In this day and age there are so many devices that we have that many people are starting to act like the characters in Disney's Wall-E. Our faces are stuck in our phones, computers, and everything else, that we have no idea what's going on around us. I see people walking by me with their heads down, not looking where they are going. Not only can you walk off a curb, get hurt and be seriously embarrassed, you could be getting stalked, scoped out and targeted. One of the most basic rules is to keep your head up, looking around you and making sure you know where you are and who is around you. It doesn't matter where you are either, should you be in the city or the country. A lot of city slickers think the country is a safe, quiet, restful place. There's just different places for a nut to hide, that's all. Take those young idiots who buy giant houses in the remotest parts of Alaska. Did they ever think that maybe they might get jumped by man or beast while riding to t...